


and if you worry (don’t worry ‘bout me)

by wlwbeverlymarsh



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bad Math, Breakup, But im afraid to make claims - Freeform, Canon compliantish?? - Freeform, High School AU, Hurt/Comfort, IM SORRY! - Freeform, Kinda?, Kissing, M/M, ambiguous ending, references to IT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 03:57:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15699675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wlwbeverlymarsh/pseuds/wlwbeverlymarsh
Summary: Eddie had always known that they were too good to last.





	and if you worry (don’t worry ‘bout me)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first fic on ao3, so I’m still figuring out the platform! The title comes from Younger Days by Mt. Joy. Feel free (please) to yell at me over on tumblr @wlw-beverly-marsh!

Eddie knew the sound all too well. The sound of sneakers shuffling on shingles. Converse, usually. A louder-than-necessary grunt as his boyfriend worked bitten fingertips under the ledge of his bedroom window. Occasionally, a horrified vocalization when Richie lost his footing.

Usually these things were comforting, odd as it was. But tonight was different. Tonight was the night before their graduation ceremony, and three weeks from that was Richie’s last day in Derry.

Almost as if on cue, Eddie’s bedroom window slid open to reveal a smiling Richie Tozier. The other boy stumbled for just a moment before settling on both feet in Eddie’s bedroom, slamming the window shut as though he were mad at it.

“Hey, Baby.” Richie said gently, turning to face Eddie with the softest smile he had ever seen. Eddie returned the smile, probably a bit too enthusiastically. He still felt the thump of his heart in his chest when he saw him, as much as he wished that he didn’t. Richie made him happy.

“Hi.” Eddie said quietly, watching as Richie took careful footsteps to come sit next to him on the edge of his twin bed. It was obvious that the other was picking up on his nervous energy, but it couldn’t be helped. The conversation that he was planning on having tonight was anything but pleasant. Richie placed a soothing hand on his thigh, and he took an involuntary breath. Eddie wished that they could do this somewhere else. This room had memories. He’d lost his virginity in this room, all tender and mushy on prom night. They’d had the first kiss on his floor, young and blushing and maybe a little too spitty. Not to mention all of the tearfully honest conversations that had taken place here.

Tonight, Eddie was going to end their relationship in this room. And maybe it was selfish to taint the place where they had so many good memories, but he needed the security blanket of how good things had been to remind him that this was the right thing to do.

It was a mercy killing, he knew that. They couldn’t last in the big, scary world. And despite his eighteen years of age, Eddie had yet to come out to his mother. He knew that if he defied her, he would have to pay for school himself. It just didn’t feel right to touch Frank Kaspbrak’s money, even if it was his now. Eddie couldn’t stand keeping this from her, because as sick and helpless it made him feel, he wanted some sort of relationship with his mother. And for that to happen, he would eventually have to marry a woman. Sonia Kaspbrak would never love her son if she knew that he loved a boy.

“Eds.” Richie’s patient yet somehow insistent tone pulled Eddie out of his thoughts, and he turned his head quickly to look at him, frowning. Eddie closed his eyes for a second, looking down to his lap instead of the wall where he had previously been staring.

“Hey.” Richie said gently, sliding closer so that their thighs were touching. Eddie could feel the breath on his cheek as the other boy tried to nose at his neck. As Eddie looked back up and their lips met in a slow haze, he couldn’t help but think about how selfish he was being. He was about to break Richie’s heart, and the thought made him /ache/.

But then there were Richie’s lips. Slick and chapped and beautiful in the moonlight. He was a messy person, a fact that had been made evident early on in their friendship. But when he was like this, Eddie was enamored. There was just something magical about all of his harsh edges becoming soft and warm with affection. Eventually they parted, foreheads tipping together as they caught their breath. He knew that he was going on bought time, taking advantage. Eddie was the first to speak, images of Lepers and graduation and Sonia flashing through his head, and he blurted it out suddenly. 

“We need to break up.” He said in one breath. Richie jerked back, as though he had been burned. His eyes opened and his brow furrowed, and god, Eddie wished that he could smooth over the ridge with his thumb. Wished that they could be friends after this, or even better, stay in the bubble that had allowed them to be together for this long. 

“Excuse me?” Richie said incredulously, blinking several times. Almost like he couldn’t believe it. Eddie couldn’t really believe it either. He wished that it wasn’t reality, that there was nothing to process. But now that he had said it, it was real. He couldn’t back out.

“Just hear me out.” He tried to reason, holding a hand out in front of him protectively. It was an obsolete effort to try and protect himself if he wasn’t the one being hurt. Richie shook his head, not even willing the humor him. Standing up, he turned as though he were going back to the window, but Eddie lunged to grab onto his wrist. “Richie, /please/. You need to listen. Sit.” His voice softened at the end, apparently appealing enough to convince him to sit down. 

“What explanation can you give me to make a suggestion like that alright?” Richie argued, pulling his arm back to his chest, almost as if he were wounded. Eddie sighed, knowing that with how stubborn he was, Richie would never understand. “I thought that we were happy?” He said, almost pleading. 

“We’re graduating.” Eddie said in a harsh whisper, knowing that if he paused, Richie would start ranting. Or maybe crying. He wasn’t sure which was worse. “I hate feeling this secret scratching at me. My dirty secret. I can’t tell my mom, we’re going to different schools, it doesn’t /work/!” Eddie frowned when he saw the slight flinch that took Richie over as he raised his voice, but was too far in to stop now. “And when we leave...you’ll forget me. You say that you won’t, but you /will/, and there’s nothing that you can do to stop it. Us, we...we.” He swallowed, feeling like he had dropped the notecards that were supposed to tell him what to do.

“What about us, Eddie?” Crying. Crying was definitely worse. Richie wiped his eyes bitterly, trying to contain the desperate sounds that always clawed their way out of his throat when he cried.

“There was never an us, Richie! Not one that could survive this town. I...love you. Fuck, I love you.” Eddie could feel his lip trembling, but refused to give in. He had to make Richie understand that as badly as he wanted this, he couldn’t have it. The other shook his head, still not wanting to process what he was hearing. Eddie reached up to place a hand on his cheek, and he closed his eyes, laughing humorously.

“This is fucked up.” Richie whispered, leaning into the touch. It wasn’t clear whether or not it was intentional or instinctive. Eddie nodded, because it was. It was sad, and awful, and as much as he wished that they had a chance, they didn’t. This was reality, so real that even Richie couldn’t evade it. 

“Just...here.” Eddie reclaimed his hand, pushing gently on his shoulder in an attempt to ease him into lying down. He’d used the move before under very different circumstances. “It’s Okay.” He promised once Richie had complied, moving behind him to throw an arm around his waist. Sobs became more evident as Richie apparently stopped caring whether or not he was heard. He was still willing to be vulnerable in front of Eddie, and that broke his heart. They had always had a beautiful and dangerous amount of trust between them. 

“No, no it’s not. I-I, you’re so /perfect/, I haven’t had long enough. You’re my best friend. I can’t lose you.” Richie choked out, crying even louder as Eddie pulled him closer back into his chest, moving a hand up to weave through his unruly curls. 

“You won’t lose me.” Eddie assured, though he knew that he was contradicting himself. They wouldn’t be the same. They would go off to college. He would come home to his mother on breaks, find a wife. Use his father’s money to pay for medical bills. The phone calls or emails would slow, and they would both forget. In twenty-two years, they would come together again. And something told Eddie that would be the last time he’d ever get to see Richie Tozier.

“Just...go to sleep, Rich. Please. Give this to me one last time.” Eddie spoke to the back of his head, and was met with little resistance. Selfish. Richie’s breathing was ragged but consistent, eyes clamped tight as he tried to fade into sleep. It didn’t even begin to resemble all of the times that they had fallen together into bed, but it was enough. He could pretend. It was more than Eddie deserved as it was It didn’t take much longer for Richie to fall asleep, face streaked with tears and the humidity making his hair stick to his face. He was as beautiful as ever.

 

Eddie couldn’t remember falling asleep. But when he woke up, Richie was gone.


End file.
